Pursuit of Happiness

Well, seharusnya jam segini gw lg khusyu'-khusyu' nya maraton ngerjain laporan MEES yg harus dikumpulin minggu depan..but praise the internet inventor, it's way more tempting to waste my time writing this stuff drpd nyentuh laporan dan ngitung berapa total amonia nitrogen sampel gw *dohhh what the hell i was thinking when i decided to be so-called-scientist backthen? ;p

Anyway, life's been really good for me here.. gw bisa blg gw bahagia bgt disini.. dengan keluarga baru yg gw temuin disini, dengan ilmu2 baru yg mulai bisa diserap otak pas2an gw.. dengan rasa kangen sama org rumah yg sedikit demi sedikit bs gw atasi.. dengan segala kesempatan yg Allah hadiahin saat ini buat gw.. i can say i do extremely happy about my life right now..

jadi inget dulu, ketika gw suka nanya ke diri gw sndiri, kenapa sih kita bahagia? dulu kok ngerasa kayanya susah bgt buat nemu jawabannya. Dulu saking bingungnya gw ampe sering bolak balik nanya bunda dan baca buku macem2 sgala hehe.. Tapi akhirnya dr pengalaman gw sndiri, gw jadi tau bahagia itu ga repot2 bgt sih..

Barusan liat postingan tante Wanti di facebook, bilang adek2 di rumah kangen sama gw, liat foto bunda senyum pas gw wisuda, liat foto Nad Kiyo dan Zia waktu jaman dulu kasih gw surprise ulang tahun, inget2 pas orang2 blg masakan gw enak rasanya (well i'm newbie for this one :D)..hmm kok ya rasanya bahagia dan jd senyum2 terus ya..

Jadi inget filosofinya, kan Allah bilang, jd manusia itu kan harus yg ngasih manfaat yaa..gw pengen hidup gw bisa bikin orang lain bahagia. Bahwa hidup gw, keberadaan gw cukup penting di hati beberapa orang. Bahwa walau sedikit, gw bs bikin org senyum dan ngerasa lebih baik, ga ada yg ngalahin perasaan itu :)

Dan dari itu semua, bahagia bisa gw rumusin.. bahwa bahagia itu karena kita ngumpulin gumpalan-gumpalan kasih sayang yg Tuhan sebar di banyak tempat di dunia ini.. senyum dr org yg kita ga kenal di jalan, curhatan dr temen2 sbg tanda percaya, tugas kuliah yg selesai dgn baik, dengerin suara bunda di telfon, masakin anak2 1 apato dgn semangat, sore2 baca buku sambil minum kopi, jalan2 sndirian pas angin kenceng lalu ngeliat ke langit, baik pas masih biru atau udah mulai senja, yg bikin hati gw ngeledak2, pengen nangis krn gw bahagia, gw hidup dan gw bisa menikmati semua ini.. gue dikasih berkah yg sebesar ini..

Hidup itu ekspresi cinta... dan kita semua kaya berotasi mengelilingi esensi Tuhan di bumi, gak perlu itungan mekanistik atau teknis tentang itu, sebaik mungkin membalas cinta yang gak abis2nya Tuhan kasih...Hmmmm dan gw ga pernah ngerasa sebahagia ini :)

Matter of falling in love

Berhubung gw orangnya gampang kangenan bgt, semenjak gw disini ritual yman dan skypean jd ritual keramat buat gw..mau lama ato bntr, yg ptg tiap hari harus wajib hukumnya! dan itu jg yg akhirnya tetep bikin gw update sama kehidupan nyaman terdahulu gw di Jakarta sana haha.. and as usual, curhatan org2 terdekat gw disana tetep mengalir walopun jarak Jakarta ato Bandung ke Belgia ga sedeket Pasar minggu - Senen lg ;p (Hidup 604! jalur metro mini favorit gw haha). and it still remains the same..masalah yg mereka ceritain k gw.. seneng2nya mereka, sedih2nya..ujung2nya gr2 urusan cinta lg hehee.. *dooohhh!

Namanya jg perjalanan cinta, yaa ga selalu sukses. Kadang suka kebentur tembok yang salah, dikira pintu yg bs kita buka, eh trnyt tembok. Dan yg namanya kebentur kaya gt, pasti sakit, bikin benjol kepala, kesakitan dan it takes time buat nyembuhin benjolnya :)

Tapi walaupun kaya gt, bolak balik kejedut, berulang kali buka pintu yg salah, tp toh kita tetep ketagihan buat jatuh cinta (lagi)..tp karena mungkin jatuh cinta itu emg worth all the try.. worth all the try every happiness you get, worth all the try every lessons you learn..and for sure worth all the try every single hurt you feel..

Kenapa gw bilang worth all the try? karena mungkin baik lo sadar ataupun ngga, baik itu berarti atau ngga buat orang lain, setidaknya sebagian kecil dari hati lo pasti tetep ngerasa bahagia. The laughter, the smile, the sweetness and the matter of taking care, setidaknya itu yang bisa bikin hati kita lebih ngerasa sedikit lebih ringan dr biasanya..

Tp kaya yg gw bilang td, ga akan selalu tepat sasaran. Seringkali kita salah mengira. But in the end, kita tetep ngerasa bahagia jg toh ngaleminnya? at least buat gw.. ada kenikmatan sendiri pas lo sadar lo sedikit bertambah 'pintar' dr kemarin2 setelah kejadian salah sasaran ini..ada sedikit kenikmatan dibalik rasa sakitnya..kenikmatan buat ikhlas dan kenikmatan buat bunyiin alarm ke diri gw sendiri kalo semua ini bukan berarti sia2..

Ya pasti sedih si, kecewa rasanya..jd bingung ke diri sendiri kenapa rasanya semua tanda2 yg lo baca selama ini salah.. Hati kita tetep sedih karena pada akhirnya it's still fall out of your grip, dan lo ga bisa ngapa2in, cuma liat dari kejauhan..
Tp satu yg gw percaya, suatu hari nanti rasa sakitnya pasti bakal hilang, dan semua digantiin dengan segala sesuatu yg lebih baik, insya allah :)

Majuuuuuu grak!

Well, here i am now allemal, thousands miles away dr kehidupan nyaman gw di Jakarta sana. But hey this is something i've been longing for dr dulu kan? I should be happy then :)

Begitu pertama kali gw nyampe sini, spontan gw jd flashback dan keinget lg sama semua usaha yg gw lakuin dr dulu buat ngerintis jalan kesini.. betapa ngototnya gw pengen bgt sekolah lg haha.. and boom! when i'm here now, gw jd bertanya2 lg ke diri sendiri berulang kali. Apa yg gw lakuin ini bener? Karena pas gw nyampe sini, it's totally spin my head around. I'm not saying that I don't feel happy and excited. I DO! I really do! Tp gw lbh kepikiran bahwa butuh kerja keras utk akhirnya survive disini. I must be tough, gw ga mau jd org biasa2 aja disini. Capek2 masuk kuliah, duduk, dengerin lecture and that's it. Banyak hal yg harus gw lakuin dan pelajarin disini. I wanna be something big when i'm done :)

Seharusnya kalo gue adalah gue yg bener2 kuat as a whole person, gw pasti bakal berhasil ngelewatin ini smua. Cuma somehow karena kebawa perasaan, gw berasa ga jd diri sndiri, jd goyah memble gampang takut haha..

Tp gw tau buat nguat2in hati, gw butuh ketegaran keberanian buat ngelepasin ketakuan dan kekhawatiran yg ada. Untuk nelen pil pahit yg emg harus diminum biar gw 'sehat'. Gw selalu percaya manusia selalu punya natural sense of surviving, bgitu jg gw kan? :p

Nguatin hati gw sndiri mungkin termasuk keberanian buat mikir sedikit dgn logika. Bahwa ada beberapa hal yg ga bisa lo terima bulat2. Bahwa lo dituntut ngelihat lbh dalam dr apa yg lo liat, buat lbh tau dr apa yg slama ini lo pikir cukup. Ada variabel2 lain selain perasaan yg harus dimasukin dlm kalkulasi. Mungkin terdengar klise, tp dunia masih luas, masih banyak yg harus gw liat..dan masih banyak lg hal yg harus gw syukuri. Seberat apa pun perasaan yg ngebebanin hati..

So here I am, dengan segala ketakutan gw yg ngebebanin hati, dengan segala kememblean semangat gw yg mudah2an hampir pulih dan dengan begitu banyaknya nikmat yg Allah kasih ke orang cupu macem gw.. gw siap untuk maju lg :))

Well, today it is!

I still remember back then when i graduated, how i really want to have a chance to go abroad for my master, get to know the world even more and travel to some places i've never been to.. My biggest gratitude goes to Allah since today i'm off to Gent,Belgium for my master study :)

But on the other side, i hate saying good bye to all the people.. Since i'm easily dropping down my tears and of course since i know eventually i will see them again, it's not like i'm gone forever.. Well 2 years might be quite long but still, i'll see them again sometime ;)

All in all, i'm super excited yet fully nervous.. predicting what will happen then, how it'll be if i can't even survive my self there, even i know probably i'll be just fine..
I just decide that i need to less worrying and live life the way it is..
So now here i am, taking my step to the higher phase, enjoying the advanturous ride yet still praying that i'll be just okay along the way..

PS: I hate packing sooo sooo much and i give up to bring my 80L backpack for now, letting mom to help me putting my stuffs in her green gigantic trolley suitcase :( way too heavy!

Perfect

I bet everyone loves this movie so much, just like me
how can u not? :) Remember Carl and Ellie?
I wish I could have this perfect time with the perfect one

isn't it sweet?

Seeing Carl and Ellie makes me realize how blessed i am because i know how sweet it is. I know how it feel to have such a perfect time with the perfect one :)

Perfect is when you stop faking, when you don't have to try hard to be happy.
Thank you for giving me these 2 years of perfectness.
You let me share my dreams, yet lead me how to build ours.
Teach me that compromise and adjustment is the only way to make this perfectness exists.

And thank you for letting me know, that being extremely happy is as simple as seeing that smile on your face.

My new baby blog :)

It’s been awhile guys since I deleted my last blog. But hey, great things happened, so I think I need to write all over again. and well, I kinda miss this blogging stuff more than I thought. So I’ll start up with some quick updates bout what I’ve been up to in these last 1.5 years

- Luckily, I have graduated last July 08, well the score was at least okay for me and Mom, and hey I was the youngest on that graduation period anyway.. So it was fab! hahaha

- I worked for some research projects as my first job. Stayed at the lab all day long, played with bacteria and their other mates started from August 08 – January 09. The best part is… they paid me good!! *moneymoneymoney hahaha!

- I got a chance for 3 months internship in China for England’s NGO called PLAN International. I ran some sustainable dev. projects. Well what can I say, it was one of my greatest episode of life

- Back again in May, teaching free lance for private senior high as my temporary job hahaha *Hey, they just told me that 100% if my kiddos passed the SNMPTN! yeayyyy

- and now, here I am, preparing my self since next month I’ll be back as a student (again!) for my master degree in somewhere far far away from Indo (Alhamdulillah..). I AM SUPER EXCITED!!! totally can’t wait!

- I also learn some Dutch now, and me love it love it love it sooo muchooo! Hoe gaat het met je? *Do I sound like pro? hahaha

- I’m still a believer that good coffee in the morning has at least 50% chance to make ur day even better and happier

- and here we are, my most favourite part as well, I have such a great-full of happiness-lovable relationship with Frilo He’s such a really nice guy for me. Can’t wait for other major awesomeness with him!

Lastly, please welcome my new baby blog! I’ll keep u updated and please enjoy the ride with me.

Adios!